she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
