did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
