Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
