a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
