it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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