it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
