Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize