so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I enjoy the company of your penis
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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