her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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