god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
