Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
