sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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