I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
