And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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