There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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