dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
