i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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