just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
