i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
