My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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