the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
These tits shall not be calmed
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
