I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
