just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
