i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
