I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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