woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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