4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
