i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
