Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
