but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
