Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
