Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We had sex on a dog bed..
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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