Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
