TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
