yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
