you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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