1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
