1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so explain again why im purple
no
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Randomize
