i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I'm really busy with my period
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