i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
