in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
