But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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