I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize