Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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