walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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