Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
