omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
