The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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