i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
