Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
