Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
