Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
