i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
