What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
