wrigley field is MILF paradise
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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