Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
