my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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