Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
