i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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