im holly from the hills drunk
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize