I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
