dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
