i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
