I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
