just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
