Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize