he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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