'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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