I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize