My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just made out with a guy for $7.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
