Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
