Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
