I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
