I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize