And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
