Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
