you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
