Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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