Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
