nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
