smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
