It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
