we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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