I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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