My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
