Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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