HIV tests are more positive than that guy
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
