Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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