You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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