at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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