I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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