Pappa wants mamma naked
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
