You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
