I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
