that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
