My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
home. puking in laundry basket.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
