Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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